Alek's first headshot, 2012
If you know us, have seen our Wife Swap episode, or have seen any of our Facebook pages, you know that dance [and the arts in general] play a huge role in our lives. All of the kids have studied ballet; most of them added tap; the boys studied modern and jazz. Jordan dropped classes when he turned 13, but was happy to rejoin the cast of the Nutcracker this past year as my partner, “Party Dad – Family One.” Alek, though, has really taken an interest and I’m excited about the opportunities that are opening up for him.
At the barre in Pittsburgh, 2011
Last spring, he spent a week in Pittsburgh with Regional Dance America and had a great time. While he’s been fortunate to study with great teachers, his exposure to other dancers [outside of his company] is limited. Pittsburh brought new teachers and classes with other male dancers – something I think he can greatly benefit from.
This year, an opportunity for a week-long trip to Montreal, Canada was presented. Also with RDA, this was a national festival unlike the regional festival in Pittsburgh. He had a lot of new experiences with this trip: rerouted planes, lost luggage, foreign currency and exchange rates, and choices between tours of the city and a men’s class with a well-respected teacher from France. He chose the class; I would have chosen the tour, but my absolute love for Montreal is not undocumented.
- Alek during a solo in a Latin piece.
His company performed a lovely modern piece [their fist opportunity to perform before an international audience] during one of the sows. I was lucky enough to sit in while this choreography was adjudicated and was incredibly impressed. I’ve watched several of these kids dance since they were tiny, so watching them grow is a gift in itself.
One of the most fun events of the trip to Montreal was a chance to perform in a huge
flash mob. Guinness was on hold to count participants as there is a chance this was in fact the world’s largest.
A
video of the flash mob has been posted to the RDA facebook page. Alek is in a red shirt with the girls in the AYBT track suits.
Dance has given us incredible opportunities. It may not be for everyone, but I encourage you to find some artistic endeavor to include in your life - it’ll brighten your day
My dear friend Carolyn is a gypsy.
She writes,
“When I first started this blog I had some people raise the question as to whether or not I wanted to identify myself as a gypsy. Apparently there are some negative thoughts wrapped around the word Gypsy. I guess historically there has been some rather ‘sketchy’ activities. Webster defines a gypsy ‘as someone living an unconventional life’. Uh, Yeah, that would be ME. I had some unfortunate financial disasters (due to an accident), and I’ve chosen to embrace this gypsy journey.”
I will admit to having an EXTREMELY romanticized idea of the gypsy culture. A vagabond lifestyle with myth and magic completely intertwined. The character of Willa on FOX-TV’s “The Finder” is doing nothing to create a more realistic picture for me. At the same time I know I could never be a gypsy – I’ve never even been ‘real’ camping
But Carolyn is the real thing. I’m inspired by her and her journey. Her story is remarkable. You can find her via her blog at Carolyn’s Gypsy Living. I encourage you to read and subscribe.
I was treated to a lovely breakfast – made especially for me by the two wee princesses – as well as a morning of lounging on the sofa and clearing out the DVR. Relaxation… ahh! The afternoon will be a little more active – well, at least we have to leave the house. Alek has a lead role in the HJHS production of Willy Wonka, Jr, so we’re going to head over to watch and embarass him during curtain call.
Several months ago, his English teacher called to get permission for him to audition. Because he hadn’t mentionned anything about it, I worried that he was just flinging excuses her way to get out of it. Stuck on the phone needing to give an answer while he was at school, I couldn’t check with him. Crossing my fingers, I deflected back to him. “If he wants to and is sure he can manage his dance and school schedules, we can make it work.” As it turned out, he wanted to do the show, but didn’t ask because he thought there was no way to fit it all in. So… good mama. I hear he’s an amazing Candy Man. I can’t wait to see the performance.
I could hear whispering and giggling coming from the kitchen as the girls worked together to make eggs, toast, sausage, and tea and solve the problems of the universe [or at least of the little girls in the neighborhood]. Breakfast was served with a vase of flowers and a steamy cup of Earl Gray with bergamot. Cards and homemade pictures = the best!
All of this means I’m doing something right. That’s not always as evident as it is today, but I did have some really great role models. My own mother was just short of an angel and her mother was a saint. I’m sure that’s not entirely true; everyone has their faults, but I don’t have to focus on that if I don’t want to. And I don’t. In addition to Mother and Grandma Rounds, I had lovely aunts, cousins, and sisters who have taught [and continue to teach] me a lot. I am thankful for them daily. Aunt Lois, Aunt Margie, Judie, Bindy, Penny, and Aimee: Thank you.
Like most women who grew up in an age when the television was as much a member of the family as the humans, I learned from mothers who weren’t my own. On my personal FB page and on our fan page, I asked friends to tell me who is their favorite TV mom.
Roseanne was the clear favorite [she makes my list too], with me coming in second [although I insist I don't count since I'm a REAL person]. Tied for third were Peg Bundy and Claire Huxtable. Michelle Duggar [also a real person, so...], Elise Keaton, Kitty Forman, and Sophia Petrillo also pulled in multiple votes. Everyone else on the list drew a single vote.
The usual suspects appeared: June Cleaver, Caroline Ingalls, Carol Brady, and Marian Cunningham; yet, no love for Shirley Partridge.
The not-so-expected appeared: Morticia Addams, Edith Bunker, Olivia Walton, Ann Romano, and Florida Evans.
The modern appeared: Judy Miller, Jill Taylor, Debra Barone, Lorelai Gilmore, and Meredith [Castle]. Honestly, I had to Google most of them.
My personal Top 5 is uniquely me.
Lorelei Gilmore//Gilmore Girls:
Love her relationship with her daughter. Love her style. Love her wit. Not only is she a great mama, she’d be a great bestie too.
Roseanne Connor//Roseanne:
I’m sure she made her kids CRAZY – heck I’m glad she’s not my mom [or my mother-in-law], but as far as doing and saying the right thing she had it. Plus, Dan Connor = best TV husband EVER.
Lynette Scavo//Desperate Housewives: Love that attitude. She’s always got it under control – even when she doubts herself. She’s not afraid to show her vulnerability, but has amazing power to pick herself up.
Claudia Finnerty//Grounded for Life: Surprise after surprise and she’s still going. Those kids are difficult; her husband needs a babysitter. She holds that family together and does it with style and sass.
Cindy Walsh//Beverly Hills 90210: Umm… does this really need an explanation? Perfect. Just perfect.
I see these women as parts of the puzzle designing the the kind of mom I want to be. Someday, I may get there. Probably not. Being a good parent is a work in progress – my expectations keep changing. Because they should.
“Do I know you?”
That question and other similar comments have been incredibly common this past year - at the park, the grocery, at the bank. Ever since our family was featured on ABC’s “Wife Swap,” everyone in town seems to recognize us, which can be very interesting. Most of the time, people are incredibly kind and curious. It’s nothing for us to spend an extra 45 minutes [or more!] in a store we just dropped into for an item or two, talking about the show to a friendly stranger.
One aspect that isn’t nearly as enjoyable is the idea of being KNOWN to strangers. Strangers who often refuse to consider the difference between fiction and reality where reality TV is concerned. “But I saw it on TV,” is a common response. It becomes tiring to explain how not everything was how it appeared. It becomes tiring to explain, “I did say that, but not in the conversation you think.” It’s tiring to explain our parenting choices.
Throughout the month, I’ll walk you through my side of the swap. I’ve asked Eric and the kids to offer up their narratives as well. Friends may guest post.
Post your questions and we’ll answer what we can.
~sheila
A new small business opened at our local mall today. The Magick Skillet is now serving fair-style food at Mounds Mall. It must be said that this is not our typical preference for dinner, but we always make an effort to support other small businesses. As a vegetarian family, our options were limited to two sandwich options, both of which were amazing. We made meals out of the sides as well: Mozzi sticks, Jalapeno poppers, French fries, fried mushrooms, and nachos. Mmm…
I recommend you head down there
Several years ago, I read the article “I have seen the future – and it’s goth,” written by Dave Simpson and published in the Guardian, 21 March 2006. With his impressive Googling skills, Alek helped me find it again a couple days ago. I’d mentionned the findings reported in it to a friend on Facebook and thought it might interest out other readers.
When other adults question us allowing our children to be exposed to a goth lifestyle [and they do], we know we don’t share their worries.
That [parents of goths will probably end up boasting about their son/daughter the doctor, lawyer or bank manager] is the surprising finding of Sussex University’s Dunja Brill, whose doctorate in media and cultural studies looked at people with funny hair and eyeliner in London, Brighton and Cologne, and who is herself a former goth.
“Most youth subcultures encourage people to drop out of school and do illegal things,” she says. “Most goths are well educated, however. They hardly ever drop out and are often the best pupils. The subculture encourages interest in classical education, especially the arts. I’d say goths are more likely to make careers in web design, computer programming … even journalism.”
Actually, having been part of the gothic culture for over 15 years [I was exposed to, but not immersed, before that time], I don’t think these findings should be surprising at all. Most of the younger goths I’ve encountered have been the intellectuals of their time, discussing classic literature and foreign film the way others their age discuss Family Guy or the latest Angelina Jolie movie – not that we never enjoy these things, of course; we’re all individuals with individual likes and dislikes. Even I enjoy the latest offerings of reality TV while reading Oscar Wilde or Ernest Hemingway.
Jordan, a great student; despite his gothic upbringing or because of it?
Speaking with other Goth parents, I’m reassured that our kids aren’t the only good students sprouting from the dark soil of our culture. I suspect it has almost as much to do with the philosophy of parenting as with the natural abilities of the kids.
Our friend David commented on our Facebook wall:
We expect [our daughter] to do well in school so that someday she can get into college and have a career. But, as I explained to her, that is so she can support herself and we don’t care what that career may be (although she is leaning toward engineering). We show both by words and actions that character, truthfulness, honor and being true to yourself are the most important things. Some people are obcessed with $ and I wonder how many today are training their daughters to marry a doctor or lawyer.
I hope we can agree that the happiness of an individual should define success more than the pricetag on their home or cars.
~sheila
Tags: alek, cultural studies, dave simpson, david, dunja brill, education, facebook, family life, goals, jordan, ravynn, sussex university, the guardian, whisper
Posted in Media
Welcome back to the tour. We had company yesterday afternoon, plus two kids needing transportation to and from birthday parties. I was able to photograph the new areas of our home, but didn’t find the time to guide you through.
As Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day,” and well, here it is.
Welcome back to our home. While last week, we showed you the initial entry way to our home, this week we will journey down ‘the hall’ to the kids’ rooms. Next week, Eric’s and my bedroom will be featured.
Follow me down the hall to see where the gothlings dwell.
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Like many parents, we focus on report cards, conduct, manners, social skills, abilities… All the things we’ve learned make us good and successful people. At the same time, we DO NOT judge the value of humans on their net worth or on the title attached to their profession [despite my fashion preferences, I do have the heart of a hippie]. We teach our kids that while being financially sucessful is not a bad thing, true success is determined by your happiness and the relationships you value, by measure of inner peace and character.
Sitting with the kids tonight, I asked them what they think makes a successful adult. Ravynn stated “someone who is polite and speaks nicely to people,” while Whisper’s definition was “someone who is loving and kind.” I was pleased that they are absorbing what I want to teach them and hope we continue along this road together.
This advice from Thoreau sums up many of my hopes:
Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are?
We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau
I sit now, wondering how to teach someone WHAT THEY ARE. Not easy, but I’m committed. At least to leading them to the path of discovery and allowing them to find the truth for themselves.
I hope to see more parents with the same concerns.
~sheila
I’ve been a ‘goth mama’ almost as long as I’ve been a mama. My oldest son was born in April 1996 and my second son in March 1998. My husband and I embraced the goth culture completely [after each having some flirtation with it throughout high school and college - he more than I] in the Summer of 1999. So for three years I was virtually normal and for 12 years, I’ve been dark and spooky. I prefer it this way.
Recently, Jordan brought home a paper of anti-Goth paraphernalia he found at school, taped to the bottom of a desk. “How to Tell if Your Teen is Goth“. As it turns out, we’re all goth. As are most of our neighbors and friends. The list cannot be taken seriously, but it does end with the warning:
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
A mental health center? Insane advice, really. I wish it was the first time I’d heard it.
Not long after we openned Bats! meow…, we were contacted by a hate group: God Hates Goths. We initially tried to have civil conversations with the group members and their leader, intending to explain our belief structure and our philosophy on raising children. As it turns out, they had no similar interests and most conversations resulted in name calling and more hateful lies. I was redirected back to the site tonight as I did a Google search for the text of the paper Jordan found so I could provide you a link. RG [as the leader identified himself] upped his advice and has published a new page, “De-Gothing Your Child.” I caution you from the link as several of the methods suggested are nothing short of torture.
Way back when, we were hit from every side, it seemed, with advice from strangers on how to be better parents. It seemed to focus on a change in wardrobe, hair, and makeup, as if wearing the ‘costume’ of a normal person would improve our skills. This past week, searching for information has yielded few results. Either the world has become more accepting of freaks [and I do use the term lovingly] or the fad of reforming us has passed. Either way, it’s okay by me.
I did find some links that may be of interest to you, though:
.:. An Article On Gothic Parenting, which warns that raising children to look ‘like us’ will create misfits and outcasts. I understand his concerns, but I cannot agree. I’ve raised little goth children and have well-rounded popular kids.
.:. Gothic Liturgy, tells the story of a Christian Church catering to the dark clad youth in their community. I wish I lived closer. I’d check it out.
.:. The Goth Mom, another blog run by another Goth Mama. I’ll be checking in there regularly.
All parents don’t need to be identical, just as all children aren’t. The key is finding the mix that works for you. We’ve found it. Yes, it involves skulls and gargoyles, bats and spiders. We also end up with stuffed hippos and pink ballet bags, Black Eyed Peas CDs and Adam Sandler movies. But that’s okay. We’re happy and not afraid to tell our kids that we love them.
Hug your monsters. Everyday. That matters more than the width of your eyeliner
~sheila
Since our family appeared on the April 30, 2010 episide of Wife Swap, I’ve fielded many questions about our home – most focussing on ”What does it REALLY look like?” It seems the perception from the general public is that we gothed it up for the show. Not the case. If anything, it lost some of it’s personality during filming. Much of the art and decorations we have didn’t get media clearance and had to be pulled down and stuck in the den or the garage until the cameras were shut off for the last time. It has been my intent since that time to offer a photo tour of the house, but I just never got around to it.
Naughty, Sheila.
For the next several weeks, I will invite you [each Sunday] to explore a new area of the house. This will give me time to photograph each part adequately, but will also save you from sifting through a dozen photos in each sitting. That does get old and, depending on your internet connection, could become really tedious.
PART 1: Welcome to the Schroeders
Friends at the front door welcome guests. Come on in.
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