Alek's first headshot, 2012

If you know us, have seen our Wife Swap episode, or have seen any of our Facebook pages, you know that dance [and the arts in general] play a huge role in our lives. All of the kids have studied ballet; most of them added tap; the boys studied modern and jazz. Jordan dropped classes when he turned 13, but was happy to rejoin the cast of the Nutcracker this past year as my partner, “Party Dad – Family One.” Alek, though, has really taken an interest and I’m excited about the opportunities that are opening up for him.

At the barre in Pittsburgh, 2011

Last spring, he spent a week in Pittsburgh with Regional Dance America and had a great time. While he’s been fortunate to study with great teachers, his exposure to other dancers [outside of his company] is limited.  Pittsburh brought new teachers and classes with other male dancers – something I think he can greatly benefit from.

This year, an opportunity for a week-long trip to Montreal, Canada was presented.  Also with RDA, this was a national festival unlike the regional festival in Pittsburgh.  He had a lot of new experiences with this trip: rerouted planes, lost luggage, foreign currency and exchange rates, and choices between tours of the city and a men’s class with a well-respected teacher from France.  He chose the class; I would have chosen the tour, but my absolute love for Montreal is not undocumented.

Dance has given us incredible opportunities.  It may not be for everyone, but I encourage you to find some artistic endeavor to include in your life - it’ll brighten your day

She writes,

“When I first started this blog I had some people raise the question as to whether or not I wanted to identify myself as a gypsy.  Apparently there are some negative thoughts wrapped around the word Gypsy.  I guess historically there has been some rather ‘sketchy’ activities. Webster defines a gypsy ‘as someone living an unconventional life’. Uh, Yeah, that would be ME.  I had some unfortunate financial disasters (due to an accident), and I’ve chosen to embrace this gypsy journey.”

I will admit to having an EXTREMELY romanticized idea of the gypsy culture.  A vagabond lifestyle with myth and magic completely intertwined.  The character of Willa on FOX-TV’s “The Finder” is doing nothing to create a more realistic picture for me. At the same time I know I could never be a gypsy – I’ve never even been ‘real’ camping

But Carolyn is the real thing.  I’m inspired by her and her journey.  Her story is remarkable.  You can find her via her blog at Carolyn’s Gypsy Living. I encourage you to read and subscribe. 

Several months ago, his English teacher called to get permission for him to audition.  Because he hadn’t mentionned anything about it, I worried that he was just flinging excuses her way to get out of it. Stuck on the phone needing to give an answer while he was at school, I couldn’t check with him.  Crossing my fingers, I deflected back to him.  “If he wants to and is sure he can manage his dance and school schedules, we can make it work.”  As it turned out, he wanted to do the show, but didn’t ask because he thought there was no way to fit it all in.  So… good mama. I hear he’s an amazing Candy Man. I can’t wait to see the performance.

I could hear whispering and giggling coming from the kitchen as the girls worked together to make eggs, toast, sausage, and tea and solve the problems of the universe [or at least of the little girls in the neighborhood]. Breakfast was served with a vase of flowers and a steamy cup of Earl Gray with bergamot.  Cards and homemade pictures = the best!

All of this means I’m doing something right.  That’s not always as evident as it is today, but I did have some really great role models.  My own mother was just short of an angel and her mother was a saint.  I’m sure that’s not entirely true; everyone has their faults, but I don’t have to focus on that if I don’t want to. And I don’t. In addition to Mother and Grandma Rounds, I had lovely aunts, cousins, and sisters who have taught [and continue to teach] me a lot.  I am thankful for them daily.  Aunt Lois, Aunt Margie, Judie, Bindy, Penny, and Aimee: Thank you.

Like most women who grew up in an age when the television was as much a member of the family as the humans, I learned from mothers who weren’t my own. On my personal FB page and on our fan page, I asked friends to tell me who is their favorite TV mom.

Roseanne was the clear favorite [she makes my list too], with me coming in second [although I insist I don't count since I'm a REAL person]. Tied for third were Peg Bundy and Claire Huxtable. Michelle Duggar [also a real person, so...], Elise Keaton, Kitty Forman, and Sophia Petrillo also pulled in multiple votes. Everyone else on the list drew a single vote. 

The usual suspects appeared: June Cleaver, Caroline Ingalls, Carol Brady, and  Marian Cunningham; yet, no love for Shirley Partridge. 

The not-so-expected appeared: Morticia Addams, Edith Bunker, Olivia Walton, Ann Romano, and Florida Evans.

The modern appeared: Judy Miller, Jill Taylor, Debra Barone, Lorelai Gilmore, and Meredith [Castle].  Honestly, I had to Google most of them.

My personal Top 5 is uniquely me. 

Lorelei Gilmore//Gilmore Girls:

Love her relationship with her daughter. Love her style. Love her wit.  Not only is she a great mama, she’d be a great bestie too.

Roseanne Connor//Roseanne:

I’m sure she made her kids CRAZY – heck I’m glad she’s not my mom [or my mother-in-law], but as far as doing and saying the right thing she had it.  Plus, Dan Connor = best TV husband EVER.

Lynette Scavo//Desperate Housewives: Love that attitude. She’s always got it under control – even when she doubts herself. She’s not afraid to show her vulnerability, but has amazing power to pick herself up.

Claudia Finnerty//Grounded for Life: Surprise after surprise and she’s still going.  Those kids are difficult; her husband needs a babysitter.  She holds that family together and does it with style and sass.

Cindy Walsh//Beverly Hills 90210: Umm… does this really need an explanation? Perfect.  Just perfect. 

I see these women as parts of the puzzle designing the the kind of mom I want to be. Someday, I may get there. Probably not. Being a good parent is a work in progress – my expectations keep changing. Because they should.

That question and other similar comments have been incredibly common this past year - at the park, the grocery, at the bank.  Ever since our family was featured on ABC’s “Wife Swap,” everyone in town seems to recognize us, which can be very interesting.  Most of the time, people are incredibly kind and curious. It’s nothing for us to spend an extra 45 minutes [or more!] in a store we just dropped into for an item or two, talking about the show to a friendly stranger.

One aspect that isn’t nearly as enjoyable is the idea of being KNOWN to strangers.  Strangers who often refuse to consider the difference between fiction and reality where reality TV is concerned.  “But I saw it on TV,” is a common response.  It becomes tiring to explain how not everything was how it appeared.  It becomes tiring to explain, “I did say that, but not in the conversation you think.”  It’s tiring to explain our parenting choices.

Throughout the month, I’ll walk you through my side of the swap. I’ve asked Eric and the kids to offer up their narratives as well. Friends may guest post.

Post your questions and we’ll answer what we can.

~sheila

I recommend you head down there

When other adults question us allowing our children to be exposed to a goth lifestyle [and they do], we know we don’t share their worries.

That [parents of goths will probably end up boasting about their son/daughter the doctor, lawyer or bank manager] is the surprising finding of Sussex University’s Dunja Brill, whose doctorate in media and cultural studies looked at people with funny hair and eyeliner in London, Brighton and Cologne, and who is herself a former goth.

“Most youth subcultures encourage people to drop out of school and do illegal things,” she says. “Most goths are well educated, however. They hardly ever drop out and are often the best pupils. The subculture encourages interest in classical education, especially the arts. I’d say goths are more likely to make careers in web design, computer programming … even journalism.”

Actually, having been part of the gothic culture for over 15 years [I was exposed to, but not immersed, before that time], I don’t think these findings should be surprising at all.  Most of the younger goths I’ve encountered have been the intellectuals of their time, discussing classic literature and foreign film the way others their age discuss Family Guy or the latest Angelina Jolie movie – not that we never enjoy these things, of course; we’re all individuals with individual likes and dislikes.  Even I enjoy the latest offerings of reality TV while reading Oscar Wilde or Ernest Hemingway. 

Jordan, a great student; despite his gothic upbringing or because of it?

Speaking with other Goth parents, I’m reassured that our kids aren’t the only good students sprouting from the dark soil of our culture.  I suspect it has almost as much to do with the philosophy of parenting as with the natural abilities of the kids.

Our friend David commented on our Facebook wall:

We expect [our daughter] to do well in school so that someday she can get into college and have a career. But, as I explained to her, that is so she can support herself and we don’t care what that career may be (although she is leaning toward engineering). We show both by words and actions that character, truthfulness, honor and being true to yourself are the most important things. Some people are obcessed with $ and I wonder how many today are training their daughters to marry a doctor or lawyer.

I hope we can agree that the happiness of an individual should define success more than the pricetag on their home or cars.

~sheila 

 As Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day,” and well, here it is.    

Welcome back to our home. While last week, we showed you the initial entry way to our home, this week we will journey down ‘the hall’ to the kids’ rooms. Next week, Eric’s and my bedroom will be featured.    

Follow me down the hall to see where the gothlings dwell.

It is incredibly difficult to take good photos of the side wall in a narrow hallway when there is no opposing door to step into.  As you turn into the hall [to the right from the front entry] with your back to the cross and baby photo display, on your right is a trio of paintings that we quite love. We’re able to see them from the living room where we spend a lot of time.     

some of our favorite smaller paintings

Across the hall from the painting trio is a closet where we keep our more basic shelved needs.  Extra cold meds, bandages, sheets, and a few games. We are working on better organization to get the games out of there and into an area where we’ll use them more often. Next to the closet is a “den” which lately has become a storage room for items that just don’t fit anywhere else.  Extra school supplies, old magazines, books we’ve not thought about reading in a long time… You know, that stuff.      

Between the two doors is a wall panel with a small Day of the Dead painting as well as a heart shaped painting by Misty Benson.    

Day of the Dead meets Skelly Cats

 Next to the door to the den is the entry to the boys’ room.  On the wall panel between, we have a gorgeous shelf unit featureing another Living Dead Doll and a medal from the Women’s Relief Corps, dated 1883.     

Living Dead Doll with Civil War Medal

Close-up view of a Civil War Medal and the "pet" spider who has made her home on top.

 The boys’ room is next. They’ve asked for minimal photographs to be posted, so I just peeked in.  [I must admit, I was overjoyed with how clean it was. What mother would complain about the remote being the only thing on the floor?]   

A peek inside the boys' room

 On the length of hall across from the door to the boys’ room, we’ve showcased some family photos.  Why waste such a great wall?  

A wall of family history

 A smaller wall between the boys’ and girls’ rooms showcases a painting depicting Eve. 

Eve with her shiny apple

 The final stop on today’s tour is the girls’ room. Unlike their brothers, they are very excited to show it off.

They’ve decorated their door with Bella Morte and Teddy Scaresposters, as well as some artwork done by both Ravynn and Whisper and a Witch sign.  Of course, there is the required Hello Kitty door hanger.

The door to the girls' room

 Whisper’s bed on the left holds pillows and stuffies that are very special to her. A vintage ballerina painting and ballet shoes are favorites.

Whisper's space with special stuffies and pillows - one she got from my father.

 Also on the shelf over her bed are three sweet little ballerinas.

Whisper's ballerinas with a Nightmare Before Christmas toy peeking through.

Ravynn’s bed has even more pillows and stuffies. She also has a painting of a wee faerie hiding in a forest of mushrooms over her bed.

Ravynn's space

A closeup of one of Ravynn’s favorite stuffies. She took this photo to show off the bear she posed with in one of her first Bats! meow… photo shoots.

The bear I promised Ravynn would show up in the tour images.

A shelf near the foot of Ravynn’s bed holds more ballerinas, faeries, and Hello Kitty.  It really is a very girlie place.

Ravynn's shelf with so much girlie stuff

A shelf next to the door holds more dolls standing in front of an Ayria poster. Whisper was proud of this photo she snapped.

Porcelain dolls keep watch next to the door

And finally, Grandmother Spider keeps hold of their dreams as they sleep.  She hangs from the light in the middle of the ceiling in the middle of a ribbon web.

A very large dream catcher

Sitting with the kids tonight, I asked them what they think makes a successful adult.  Ravynn stated “someone who is polite and speaks nicely to people,” while Whisper’s definition was “someone who is loving and kind.”  I was pleased that they are absorbing what I want to teach them and hope we continue along this road together. 

This advice from Thoreau sums up many of my hopes:

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again  And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are?

We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

- Henry David Thoreau

I sit now, wondering how to teach someone WHAT THEY ARE.  Not easy, but I’m committed. At least to leading them to the path of discovery and allowing them to find the truth for themselves.

I hope to see more parents with the same concerns.

~sheila

Recently, Jordan brought home a paper of anti-Goth paraphernalia he found at school, taped to the bottom of a desk.  “How to Tell if Your Teen is Goth“.  As it turns out, we’re all goth. As are most of our neighbors and friends.  The list cannot be taken seriously, but it does end with the warning:

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

A mental health center?  Insane advice, really. I wish it was the first time I’d heard it.

Not long after we openned Bats! meow…, we were contacted by a hate group: God Hates Goths. We initially tried to have civil conversations with the group members and their leader, intending to explain our belief structure and our philosophy on raising children.  As it turns out, they had no similar interests and most conversations resulted in name calling and more hateful lies.  I was redirected back to the site tonight as I did a Google search for the text of the paper Jordan found so I could provide you a link.  RG [as the leader identified himself] upped his advice and has published a new page, “De-Gothing Your Child.”  I caution you from the link as several of the methods suggested are nothing short of torture. 

Way back when, we were hit from every side, it seemed, with advice from strangers on how to be better parents. It seemed to focus on a change in wardrobe, hair, and makeup, as if wearing the ‘costume’ of a normal person would improve our skills.  This past week, searching for information has yielded few results. Either the world has become more accepting of freaks [and I do use the term lovingly] or the fad of reforming us has passed.  Either way, it’s okay by me.

I did find some links that may be of interest to you, though:

.:. An Article On Gothic Parenting, which warns that raising children to look ‘like us’ will create misfits and outcasts.  I understand his concerns, but I cannot agree. I’ve raised little goth children and have well-rounded popular kids.

.:. Gothic Liturgy, tells the story of a Christian Church catering to the dark clad youth in their community.  I wish I lived closer. I’d check it out.

.:. The Goth Mom, another blog run by another Goth Mama.  I’ll be checking in there regularly.

All parents don’t need to be identical, just as all children aren’t. The key is finding the mix that works for you.  We’ve found it.  Yes, it involves skulls and gargoyles, bats and spiders. We also end up with stuffed hippos and pink ballet bags, Black Eyed Peas CDs and Adam Sandler movies.  But that’s okay.  We’re happy and not afraid to tell our kids that we love them.

Hug your monsters. Everyday.  That matters more than the width of your eyeliner

~sheila

Naughty, Sheila.

For the next several weeks, I will invite you [each Sunday] to explore a new area of the house.  This will give me time to photograph each part adequately, but will also save you from sifting through a dozen photos in each sitting.  That does get old and, depending on your internet connection, could become really tedious.

PART 1: Welcome to the Schroeders

Friends at the front door welcome guests. Come on in.

After entering, you wait in our entry area. It’s mostly a short hallway. On the right side of the hall are two coat closets with a shelved cubby area between. On the left is a half bath and an entry to the kitchen.

The cubby area tends to be an area of special interest for family and friends.  It’s difficult to get a photo of it because of the width of the hallway.

The Cubby

 Shelf by shelf. 

The top shelf holds several of our Living Dead Dolls, large and small versions.

The top shelf

 The second shelf holds a few gargoyles, small ‘action figures’ from some of our favorite horror movies, a basket made by a friend of ours, and a Day of the Dead style candle holder.

The second shelf

 The third shelf holds some skulls [I wish I knew what they were from], candles, bottles, religious statuary [a cross and Confucius]

The third shelf

 The bottom shelf is also hard to photograph.  Each picture makes it look cluttered, but it’s not so much.  It holds more of our Living Dead Dolls, a cauldron, two smaller cauldrons/insense burners, candles, Ganesh, and items from our family Mabon ritual.

The bottom shelf, view 1

 An alternate view shows more of the Mabon items and candles.

The bottom shelf, view 2

 Wall by wall.

Directly across from the cubby hangs a print by the lovely NeNe Thomas, framed by two wrought iron wall sconces we’ve had for ages.

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Wall space, between the bathroom and the kitchen [angled toward the front door

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Wall space, between the kitchen and the living room [taken from the hall leading to the bedrooms

~sheila