Empty Nester – Extraordinaire

creating, living, loving – all in a long black skirt

Spooky Mamas and Papas

I’ve been a ‘goth mama’ almost as long as I’ve been a mama.  My oldest son was born in April 1996 and my second son in March 1998.  My husband and I embraced the goth culture completely [after each having some flirtation with it throughout high school and college – he more than I] in the Summer of 1999. So for three years I was virtually normal and for 12 years, I’ve been dark and spooky.  I prefer it this way.

Recently, Jordan brought home a paper of anti-Goth paraphernalia he found at school, taped to the bottom of a desk.  “How to Tell if Your Teen is Goth“.  As it turns out, we’re all goth. As are most of our neighbors and friends.  The list cannot be taken seriously, but it does end with the warning:

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

A mental health center?  Insane advice, really. I wish it was the first time I’d heard it.

Not long after we openned Bats! meow…, we were contacted by a hate group: God Hates Goths. We initially tried to have civil conversations with the group members and their leader, intending to explain our belief structure and our philosophy on raising children.  As it turns out, they had no similar interests and most conversations resulted in name calling and more hateful lies.  I was redirected back to the site tonight as I did a Google search for the text of the paper Jordan found so I could provide you a link.  RG [as the leader identified himself] upped his advice and has published a new page, “De-Gothing Your Child.”  I caution you from the link as several of the methods suggested are nothing short of torture. 

Way back when, we were hit from every side, it seemed, with advice from strangers on how to be better parents. It seemed to focus on a change in wardrobe, hair, and makeup, as if wearing the ‘costume’ of a normal person would improve our skills.  This past week, searching for information has yielded few results. Either the world has become more accepting of freaks [and I do use the term lovingly] or the fad of reforming us has passed.  Either way, it’s okay by me.

I did find some links that may be of interest to you, though:

.:. An Article On Gothic Parenting, which warns that raising children to look ‘like us’ will create misfits and outcasts.  I understand his concerns, but I cannot agree. I’ve raised little goth children and have well-rounded popular kids.

.:. Gothic Liturgy, tells the story of a Christian Church catering to the dark clad youth in their community.  I wish I lived closer. I’d check it out.

.:. The Goth Mom, another blog run by another Goth Mama.  I’ll be checking in there regularly.

All parents don’t need to be identical, just as all children aren’t. The key is finding the mix that works for you.  We’ve found it.  Yes, it involves skulls and gargoyles, bats and spiders. We also end up with stuffed hippos and pink ballet bags, Black Eyed Peas CDs and Adam Sandler movies.  But that’s okay.  We’re happy and not afraid to tell our kids that we love them.

Hug your monsters. Everyday.  That matters more than the width of your eyeliner 🙂



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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 13th, 2011 at 8:38 pm and is filed under Daily Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “Spooky Mamas and Papas”

  1. Sharon
    10:07 am on January 14th, 2011

    I love that it says “enlist your child into your local mental health center”–like it’s the army.

    My two cents? Your children are lovely, well-behaved, non-judgmental individuals. I would volunteer to spend time with them over about 90% of the “normal” children I know!

  2. Bats! meow...
    8:39 pm on January 14th, 2011

    Thank you so much for sharing your opinion. I’ve never so much wanted ‘normal’ children as I’ve wanted smart, respectful, and kind children.

  3. Callum
    11:32 am on September 9th, 2021

    Oh lord I had no idea those groups even existed! It’s crazy how quick people are to attack any kinda difference, even if it’s purely fashion-related. Nobody should ever let these buzzkills destroy our vibe, keep gothing it up!

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