Several months ago, his English teacher called to get permission for him to audition.  Because he hadn’t mentionned anything about it, I worried that he was just flinging excuses her way to get out of it. Stuck on the phone needing to give an answer while he was at school, I couldn’t check with him.  Crossing my fingers, I deflected back to him.  “If he wants to and is sure he can manage his dance and school schedules, we can make it work.”  As it turned out, he wanted to do the show, but didn’t ask because he thought there was no way to fit it all in.  So… good mama. I hear he’s an amazing Candy Man. I can’t wait to see the performance.

I could hear whispering and giggling coming from the kitchen as the girls worked together to make eggs, toast, sausage, and tea and solve the problems of the universe [or at least of the little girls in the neighborhood]. Breakfast was served with a vase of flowers and a steamy cup of Earl Gray with bergamot.  Cards and homemade pictures = the best!

All of this means I’m doing something right.  That’s not always as evident as it is today, but I did have some really great role models.  My own mother was just short of an angel and her mother was a saint.  I’m sure that’s not entirely true; everyone has their faults, but I don’t have to focus on that if I don’t want to. And I don’t. In addition to Mother and Grandma Rounds, I had lovely aunts, cousins, and sisters who have taught [and continue to teach] me a lot.  I am thankful for them daily.  Aunt Lois, Aunt Margie, Judie, Bindy, Penny, and Aimee: Thank you.

Like most women who grew up in an age when the television was as much a member of the family as the humans, I learned from mothers who weren’t my own. On my personal FB page and on our fan page, I asked friends to tell me who is their favorite TV mom.

Roseanne was the clear favorite [she makes my list too], with me coming in second [although I insist I don't count since I'm a REAL person]. Tied for third were Peg Bundy and Claire Huxtable. Michelle Duggar [also a real person, so...], Elise Keaton, Kitty Forman, and Sophia Petrillo also pulled in multiple votes. Everyone else on the list drew a single vote. 

The usual suspects appeared: June Cleaver, Caroline Ingalls, Carol Brady, and  Marian Cunningham; yet, no love for Shirley Partridge. 

The not-so-expected appeared: Morticia Addams, Edith Bunker, Olivia Walton, Ann Romano, and Florida Evans.

The modern appeared: Judy Miller, Jill Taylor, Debra Barone, Lorelai Gilmore, and Meredith [Castle].  Honestly, I had to Google most of them.

My personal Top 5 is uniquely me. 

Lorelei Gilmore//Gilmore Girls:

Love her relationship with her daughter. Love her style. Love her wit.  Not only is she a great mama, she’d be a great bestie too.

Roseanne Connor//Roseanne:

I’m sure she made her kids CRAZY – heck I’m glad she’s not my mom [or my mother-in-law], but as far as doing and saying the right thing she had it.  Plus, Dan Connor = best TV husband EVER.

Lynette Scavo//Desperate Housewives: Love that attitude. She’s always got it under control – even when she doubts herself. She’s not afraid to show her vulnerability, but has amazing power to pick herself up.

Claudia Finnerty//Grounded for Life: Surprise after surprise and she’s still going.  Those kids are difficult; her husband needs a babysitter.  She holds that family together and does it with style and sass.

Cindy Walsh//Beverly Hills 90210: Umm… does this really need an explanation? Perfect.  Just perfect. 

I see these women as parts of the puzzle designing the the kind of mom I want to be. Someday, I may get there. Probably not. Being a good parent is a work in progress – my expectations keep changing. Because they should.

That question and other similar comments have been incredibly common this past year - at the park, the grocery, at the bank.  Ever since our family was featured on ABC’s “Wife Swap,” everyone in town seems to recognize us, which can be very interesting.  Most of the time, people are incredibly kind and curious. It’s nothing for us to spend an extra 45 minutes [or more!] in a store we just dropped into for an item or two, talking about the show to a friendly stranger.

One aspect that isn’t nearly as enjoyable is the idea of being KNOWN to strangers.  Strangers who often refuse to consider the difference between fiction and reality where reality TV is concerned.  “But I saw it on TV,” is a common response.  It becomes tiring to explain how not everything was how it appeared.  It becomes tiring to explain, “I did say that, but not in the conversation you think.”  It’s tiring to explain our parenting choices.

Throughout the month, I’ll walk you through my side of the swap. I’ve asked Eric and the kids to offer up their narratives as well. Friends may guest post.

Post your questions and we’ll answer what we can.

~sheila

Earlier this week, my family was contacted to appear in a commercial for the Indianapolis affiliate of  FOX Broadcasting.  We were happy to accept as Fox 59 runs our favorite morning news show and time in front of the camera is good publicity for Bats! meow…, even if the link isn’t always immediately clear.

I commented to them that our family is goth and has been promoting a business and that we’ve got a story coming up in the local paper because of our style.  At this point, I asked him what were the rules for clothing while working with a green screen and, keeping our look in mind, did he want ‘dressed to the nines’ or ‘everyday’ wear.  I had anticipated a ‘to the nines’ request because it would show diversity and we’d be more recognizable.  At the same time, I could understand if he wanted a more everyday look because you don’t honestly see a lot of people in Indy who look like us.

His response shocked and annoyed me:

No greens or near-greens (we will be shooting against the greenscreen).

I’d say steer clear of the Goth look.  We’re going for middle-of-the-road appeal.  If this is a problem, let me know.

Thanks!

-A

Steer clear? Really??

I responded:

Thanks for the offer to have us in the commercial, but we’ll have to withdraw.  We ARE a goth family and don’t wish to represent ourselves as “characters” for the commercial. I know we told you we’ll be appearing in the Anderson paper and were contacted for that because of our goth lifestyle and to promote the goth clothing company we own.  Showing up looking ‘middle of the road’ would likely discredit us.

If we had been cast as actors in the commercial, fine. But they wanted real viewers to say the real things they like about the station.  We love them; we were ready. But this really turned me off.  The suggestion that all of their viewers look ‘normal’ or that anything off the beaten path won’t have the impact that they’re looking for confused me.

I’m really disappointed.

~sheila